What good am I if I say foolish things
And I laugh in the face of what sorrow brings
And I just turn my back while you silently die,
What good am I?

From Bob Dylan’s What Good Am I?

How does the murder of civilians help anyone be free.

Where is our Ghandi, or Martin Luther King or our Nelson Mandela??

The world needs strong voices of peace and heroes to rally behind. What good are hospitals when people are being slaughtered just for being in the wrong place?

We need that great dead man to wake up and come again.

I look around and I can only see it causing damage. I have seen many relationships ruined through its influence, literature is filled with examples of its destructive power. And it’s not just romantic jealousy either there is much damage also caused by what I guess would be envy. I wonder what it would take to live a life without any hint or jealousy. I think the main thing is probably just to be secure in yourself and your identity, not sure though. Need to go and read the Road Less Travelled again.

Although I am always a bit worried about the bit where God says his “for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” in Exodus 20. I assume that would extend to a married couple and their being some right to be jealous if one partner cheats on them. Not sure about that.

I pondered today in the back of an auto-rickshaw whilst reading The Road Less Travelled how many people may have read that book in the back of an auto. I don’t think it would be that high…

I went to Freshwater beach with Tom, Howie, Hannah and Jo French. It was great fun. I also stayed in the water the longest for like the first time ever at the beach. I really enjoyed being in the water. Though the highlight was definately jumping with Hannah in the water. Such fun.

I want to go to the beach lots this summer. I’m a fan.

It seems so stupid to me. Why do we want our government to have all these new extra powers? Powers that you can bet will stay with us for decades. Until one day we get a really bad government who labels people who oppose it as terrorist. Suddenly all the members of say the Greens could be rounded up overnight and held for two weeks. No one would have to be told where they were.

Sam really is a top notch chap. I believe that one can have no firmer foundation for a relationship then Dosa.

I love connecting with people. Pub was great tonight.

Enter non-linerity section

It’s odd to think these days that if I really tried/cared I could realistically have a girlfriend. After many years of being fixated on the idea of having a girlfriend it’s nice to know. Also nicer to know that I can choose not to take that path at this stage. Which has been my decision.

Does that make sense?

It’s not that I am being egotistical (which I may be.. bonus points for using the word twice in one post?) it’s just that I have changed. My self perception always lags over reality. It’s not that I haven’t had good self-esteam lately just interesting to think about these things. Personal growth is a good thing.

Life’s a journey they say. Sometimes physical movement is the best way to move in.

Welcome to the blogverse Sam.

In Febuary of 2006 I plan to undertake my first assignment as a IT Project Manager on a new 500 bed teaching and training hospital in North East India. It will be a 12-18 month assignment.

It is a big job for me to undertake. But I am sure I’ll get it done with a bit of help from my friends new and old, and a lot from above.

The exciting thing is that I’ll be blogging from a place where you need a special permit to be. The state of Nagaland where I’ll be based requires you to have a permit to visit. So I get extra stamps in my passport. YAY for stamps.

Went to Melbourne for work last Saturday to work on a train. Single day business trips aren’t as much fun as you may think.. Though the flying bit doesn’t suck.

I ended up getting to church on Sunday feeling pretty low and tired. I had been tempted the whole day not to go. Then I had someone come up to me and say something not particularly helpful. I decided to leave. Had a nice walk to Chatswood. Just over 2 hours not bad. Considering whereis.com gives you 3hours and half on foot to get there.

I went to Hornsby and got some Indian food. I ate in the park with my hands. I had a veg currie, pompadooms and naan. I also got a takeaway mango lassi in a round chineese takeaway container. I love the sensualness of eating with my bare hands. A good pick me up.

Had uni on Monday. Had lunch with Adam near his work. The Mid-City centre food court always has seats. Dosa was fun on Monday Night. Except I really miss Sam. His sick and needs to get better.

South Africa is now firmly on the places that I want to vist in the next few years. So tired.. Winding down is hard.. but I am dead tired. So I think it’s time to get in bed.

Anyone want to come and watch it with me?? Could be fun..

Alternatively anyone just want to watch a Bollywood DVD with me and drink Chai?

I am going to share two quotes from her book “The algebra of infinate justice”.

“The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while your alive and die only when you are dead”

In response to what the above quote means she writes:

“To love. To be loved. To never forget your insignificance. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.”

A message to terrorists
Please go away. We don’t like you killing civilians. It’s not good.

A message to soldiers in Iraq
Please act with honour and integrity. Treat people justly please. I can’t imagine how difficult it is but please try.

A message to out leaders
Don’t do anything stupid and hasty. Look how far the hasty action surronding 9/11 got us.

A message to the media
Please give families grieving privacy.

A message to the people
Please don’t go and attack Muslim’s. That doesn’t help anyone.

A message to God
Please heal this planet of the hate that can incite such attacks. Please comfort the families and friends of the victims as they grieve. Please heal the injured quickly.

Also got a ride in Lesley’s new car. Lot’s of fun.

Thankfully with God these things can be fixed.

Had dinner with Emily last night. It was really good, partly because we were eating Indian. The other part was just chatting. It was fun to hear more about general life in Peru. It’s funny India and Peru are such different places but they have a fair bit in common.

Someone ed two cinemas in Delhi just cause they didn’t like the movie that was playing. Killin two people and injuring 50. Such senseless loss of life.

How dare they such a sacred place. Next someone will a food court!!

We must stop the terorists!!!

This is a photo from the only time I have seen her.

However there is this fun issue in my family of my sister Bronwyn. Who for reasons described in a previous post no longer talks to anyone in my family(including extended).

Now usually Mother’s Day is going to be hard enough for my Mum, and grandmothers. But this Mother’s Day is harder because Bronwyn now has a child. Who my parents, grandparents and in fact all the extended family except me have not seen in person. My Mum’s a grandparent and not allowed to see her grandchild. My Nana was able to organise to get some photos through the in-laws but that has stopped now we think.

Earlier this year I got the privelage of meeting my niece Hannah for the first time and seeing my sister and her husband again. We aggreed that I’d visit a bit and it all went fine (I think). But now I am back on the silent treatment too. I thought our family had a shot at being reconcilled slowly but surely.

I think when I realised this wasn’t going to happen I got passively aggressive at God. My prayer life deteriated a lot.

It’s hard living with parents who have been demoralised. How do you make it OK that one of their children doesn’t talk to them? How do you make OK the dreadful accusations made? How do you help?

How do you keep forgiving a sister who keeps on causing pain but doesn’t acknowledge it?
How do you keep up hope for realationships that just end up in disapointment?
I don’t like being played and disrespected. I don’t like people playing games with my life and my family. All done in the name of my God and Jesus. Who I doubt believes people should relate through playing games. I don’t doubt that she faces many issues with mental health. That she believes she is acting justly. But even so others should know better

Don’t get me wrong I love my sister. I haven’t been the best brother. But how do you be a good brother to someone who ignores your calls and messages?

I guess God you know. But it still doesn’t make it easy.

Jesus, I’m waiting here, boss
I know you’re looking out for us
But maybe your hands aren’t free.

Your Father, He made the world in seven
He’s in charge of heaven.
Will you put a word in for me?

Wake Up Dead Man.
U2 Pop

I have verified that North Sydney, Town Hall and Central(Country and Suburban) no longer have Coke or Smith’s vending machines. Does anyone know what is happening to the vending machines?

Is it just those stations or all City Rail stations. Please let me know if you know of any stations that still have vending machines..

Hopefully it is only temporary. They better not of switched contracts to Pepsi. That would be a very sad day for Sydney.

There was a point of time not that long ago where I would of disputed that and the rest of the letter. However as time has progressed the discription of me has become alarmingly more accurate. I don’t like to think of myself as a happy person, it kind of creeps me out. I don’t want to be one of those annoying happy people, I want to be a cool quite depresive type.

I still do get a bit sad often and a little lonely, but no where near as much as I used too. Part of it’s probably just being an extravert. I don’t know.

So, how am I gonna keep myself away
How am I gonna keep myself away from me

Counting Crows

Thankfully I am still exposed to many less pukka organisations. Catching City Rail on a frequent basis helps provide me with my daily doses of cynicism and sarcasm.