No one has suffered like you
November 6th, 2008
I think that the act of comparing pain between people is often destructive and rarely useful. The idea that because I have suffered “more” or “less” then you that my pain, or your pain is any less real is really unhelpful. There is no monopoly on suffering. Pain should be recognised regardless of whether it is seemingly trivial, if it is real for the person then that is all that matters.
Disclaimer
I do think there is something useful in understanding that perhaps our pain/situation isn’t as bad as others and that the obstacles can be overcome.
While I agree with the general argument here, I think your headline stands. No one has suffered like you. Empathy and compassion aside, no one can truly know what another person is experiencing or feeling. That’s why telling someone, “I know how you feel” is so unhelpful and patronising. We may understand, we may cry with someone, but we will never know the depth or strength of their emotion – even if we have had a similar painful experience.