True should not equal false.
Defining “TRUE” as “1″ and “FALSE” as “1″ results in weird bugs.
Could be implications for real world about the problem of believing that lies are true.. A little to deep for now.
My avr-gcc compiler stole a day of my life at work by optimising out some critical line in the micro code I’ve been working on. Not happy. Should of known that O2 optimisation on the new compiler would ever so subtely break my code. Grrr.
This is a good story about a woman with AIDS.
That’s how many U2 songs I have at the moment.. I think It will soon get up to 180.. Would be nice to get 200 but I don’t know how to do that.. I’d have to get a lot of B-Sides..
I’m annoyed I am trying to move files from my old hard disk drive to a new one.. I had a nice elegant way of doing it but it failed over 3 and half hours into the process. Grr.. Now I am doing it all a different way should only take 2 hours but I had to spend 20 minutes to find the right cables..
Why am I fascinated by war so much? I went and saw Lord of War today by myself. I must say I found myself feeling quite disturbed. The odd thing that always gets me is how much as a male from my culture I have been conditioned to be in awe of guns and weapons in general. When I look at a semi-automatic weapon my first instinct is not revulsion but awe. Why does it take so long for revulsion to set in?
Is there something wrong with me that I sometimes enjoy violent movies. Does it expose some deep down suppressed desire of mine to be as Cain to Able? Am I in my heart any better then any other man? Is this just instinct?
More and more though I am finding violence abhorrent, though still often more of a second reaction then first. Buying weapons instead of food seems to have at least contributed to the horrendous levels of poverty in much of this world of ours. The debt from those weapons is still crippling nations. (I think a lot of the debt is from bonded military aid to dictators. Am I right Ben?)
The movie makes it sound inevitable that man will kill man. It suggests that man is evil and that the wholesale slaughter of people is unavoidable. However an alternative reading of Lord Of War would be the answer to violence and world conflict is free and fair trade.
I don’t want to hate anyone. I find it difficult some times. I really am tempted to scapegoat people and blame them for the evil I see. Instead of getting in to a cycle of blame and descending into hell, I hope to work instead towards building heaven here on Earth. For my own part I see myself using my skills to serve those whom I can.
To that end I am planing to arrive in India in about three weeks. I am going to enter an area of India that is slowing recovering from the waste caused by civil conflict. Working on a hospital project that should have significant impact on not just the local community but as a referral centre it will have a broader impact on the entire region as well. God please keep the peace process there on track. It would be sad for the hospital to be reduced to dealing with the injuries caused by man against man.
My life’s work probably weren’t change much on this earth. But everything is meaningless so I figure I might as well try and do some good.
Please note I am aware that I have not used gender inclusive language in this post. This is because I do not have sufficient insight into women to be able to work out if they share this violence. I don’t think they do as much so I left them out.
Humans are so complex. It makes me smile often and cry sometimes.
I just got some porn spam in my gmail account. The body of the message had quotes from the Bible. I am glad that I turn off external images.
According to a World Bank report 25% of all hospitalised Indians slip below the poverty line because of hospital expenses alone.
I think that makes me glad there are hospitals like the ones EHA runs.
After all these years I still want to run to a place where the streets have no name.
Tonight was hard. I’m glad I stayed arround but it took a lot of effort to maintain any sembelence of composure. I’m feeling pretty messed up. I guess I am just not feeling ready to leave my fantastic community. Which I am not doing for a while yet anyway. I hope my remaining weeks in Sydney before I go aren’t this hard.
Sometimes a lie is the best thing.
It is all sudenly much to real for me to cope with at this point in time.
The storms died down I can walk home.. I love Australian summer rain.. Nice big fat rain that drops it’s load and then leaves.
I wish I was better at listening, giving advice and following advice. I wish I wasn’t a messy human who lets his own emotions needs and wants get in the way. Some days I realise how woefully inadequate I am. I generally do a good job of being self-assured but then I find myself seeking affirmation from people when they just need me to listen. I wonder sometimes about the job I do of balancing the confidences in my life.
I hate the way I want to try and fix things and fix people. It’s not my job, it’s the other person’s and God’s.
P.S This post isn’t me seeking affirmation from you my reader. It’s just stating my fustrations with myself.