One Geek

I really didn’t enjoy yesterdays journey. Partly it was all the stopping. Partly because I wasn’t prepared for that. Partly because I wanted to get to Melbourne before 10pm. Partly because I didn’t want to stay in the organised accommodation(which I am not). But also because I felt lost.

I couldn’t find the awe yesterday. I looked at stuff yesterday and thought it was pretty but couldn’t connect.

I don’t feel at the moment that this is my home land. Maybe I am being melodramic and I was just tired and grumpy yesterday. But I’ve been thinking about things a bit lately.

Since coming back to India I’ve tried to be the old me. I’ve tried to be the India me. None of them really fit anymore.

I need to redefine myself with the help of my God. I feel I have a mission now but I am not sure how to approach it. Is it helpful to define oneself by the mission? To adopt a character to make the mission more successful. Or is that man’s wisdom? God’s folly is said to be wiser then the wisdom of men.

People say God wants us to be ourselves. But I don’t know who I am. I have often tried to make others happy at the expense of who I might be. So much so that I am not sure who I am. I appear to have an existential crises on my hands.

Maybe it will be over in about 30 minutes you never quite know. I might just be being self-indulgent.

Gonna get me a little oblivion, baby
Try to keep myself away from me

I can’t keep myself away from me
How am I gonna keep myself away from me
Counting Crows

Life